TRY NOT LAUGH

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THE FUNNY SIDE OF BEING BOL-ANON

I am a pure-bred Bol-anon born and raised in Compostela. Growing up in a Bol-anon family, I have learned a lot of things being a Bol-anon and I’m proud of them. Fondly branded to be “ignorante” (kumedya ra uy aron naay kalingawan), people from Bohol are popularly known to be fanatically religious yet care-free, but too sarcastic (pilosopo) and sometimes impatient. However, Bol-anon loves food and never hates cussing (pamalikas). Most of these traits can be found in stories most Bol-anon love to tell themselves.

By the way, we are often called “Sano”, short for “Paisano” or kapareho ug lugar o kababayan in Tagalog.

Here we go:
——
On being sarcastic

Taw: “Noy, asa ang dalan paingong San Miguel?”
Sano: Gitudlo ang dalan “Kana naang dana doy”
Taw: “Dako nang dalana noy?”
Sano: “Baw doy kay baynte anyos na man kong pujo aning lugaraha, wa man ko kadungog nga nay nihuot!”
——
On being care-free

Upon hearing from the flight crew that the plane is experiencing repeated turbulence caused by the storm…

Taw: “Nakuyawan na man ko sano, basin ma-kras ning eroplano”
Sano: “Tig kaguol nimong panuhaka ka, nganong maguol man kang di mani atong eroplano, problema na nas tag-iya!”

—–
On food and cussing

Excited to savour the freshly-caught crab being cooked, the Bol-anon checked the cooking pot and commented…

Sano: “Bantog rang wa pa maluto ning tuntong kagang, ning kinto man diay ang limbarok!”
_____
On being impatient

Irritated of hearing the repeated complaint by a passenger from Mindanao while the changing the flat-tire was going on for a bus travelling from Jagna on a month of May when Bol-anons trooped to the home-land to celebrate fiestas, the bus conductor confronted the complaining passenger with a bang…

Sano: “Plaaat man gani nang imong ilong sir nga kugmo ray sooood, kini pa kahang bos nga namuwak ang tawong nanakay!”
____

On being popularly “ignorant” (with a quote)

One day, a father received a telegram from his child living in America that he was petitioned and allowed to stay there. His “kumpare” was once visited the US a year ago and asked from him some tips.

Sano 1: “Pre, didto na man gyud kag America, unsa man gyuy ilhanan nga naa na tas America?’
Sano 2: “Sus, kasajon pre. Ikumpara nimos ato, mas dagko gyud ang naas America”.

Taking the advice at face value, he kept it to himself and faithfully believed what the kumpare said, until the time has come for him to land at one city in the US.

 Nakita nga gamay ang PAL nga gisakyan kaysa United Airways: “Djawa, kadakos edro…, murag naa na gyud siguro kos America”.
 Nakasugat ug NBA player nga 7-footer: “Kadakong kabaw aning tawhana ni…, hapit na gyud ko motuong naa na gyud ko sa America”.
 Nakakita sa 100-storey building: “Ngilngiga anang bildinga uy…, America na gyud siguro ko”.
 Samtang naghulat sa iyang anak sa usa ka hotel, disgrasyaha ang Bol-anon kalibangon. Nagtuyok-tuyok ug pangitag CR sa dakong hotel, hangtod nga nakakita siyag swimming pool. Sa pagtuong usa kini ka dakong water-sealed toilet, nalibang kilid sa pool ang tiguwang apan wala buligi sa swerte, na-eslayd paingon sa tubig ug misinggit kinig makusog “Ajawg –plasssss, maluoy tawon mo, ajaw baya gyud ninyog i-plaaaas!”
 Sa dihang nahaw-as na, mituyhakaw ang tiguwang, naghupaw ug miingon “Sus, may gani wa gi-plas, kay kung nahitabo, hoo – sujop!”
____
On being fanatically religious and cussing

Anak: “Dis-a diay ka gikan Nay nga nadugay ka man?”
Inahan: “Hay didto mes simbahan kay nanagkot mes kulirang Birhin!”

____

Mas daghan pa ni, sampol pa lang ni… Isa pa: “ajaw baya gyud ug palit ug kalamay nga way markang binuhat sa Jagna ha… Bahala nag didto nas Albor gibuhat basta kay ang marka Jagna…hahaha!”

***************
WELL… REALLY?… YES, OF COURSE!

Most of us, except for some on reasons they only understand, the Question and Answer Portion in a beauty pageant is the most exciting, most awaited and most sought after moment.

With few exceptions to contestants who eloquently delivered some degree of astuteness, bloopers dominated the center stage.

Here are some of the examples:

Host: “Contestant No. 8, are you ready?”
Contestant #8: “Yes, of course!”
Host: “If you are the president of the Republic of the Philippines, what are your priority programs?”
Contestant: “Me!… President!… Oh my God, that’s the dream of my father for me… Thank you!”
Host: “Really?”
Contestant #8: “Yes, of course!”

EHHHEM! Happy gyud iyang papa ani.

============

Host: “Contestant No. 5, I can see that you’re not nervous?”
Contestant #5: “Yes, of course!”
Host: “Here’s your question. Are you aware of the government’s program to protect the environment?”
Contestant #5: “Yes, of course!”
Host: “Do you have trees in your house?”
Contestant #5: “Yes, of course!”
Host: “Are they all inside the house?”
Contestant #5: “Yes, of course!”
Host: “Really?”
Contestant #5: “Yes, of course!”

HAHAAY! Ang narra na sa ilang kusina, ang manga naa sa ilang sala, ang mahogany naa sa ilang kwarto…

===================

Host: “Contestant No. 1, because this pageant is to search for Mutya ng Dabaw, you must be from Davao City, right?”
Contestant #1: “Yes, of course!”
Host: “What can you say about our city?”
Contestant #1: “Well, our city, Davao City says no to drugs!”

TSK, TSK! Fan sa Oplan Tokhang ni…

===================

Host: “Contestant No. 3, are you familiar with the local ordinances in the city?”
Contestant #3: “Yes, of course!”
Host: “What can you say about jaywalking as policy for safety in the streets?”
Contestant #3: “Well, I think, Jay is walking in the street and no need for policy because he is safe.”
Host: “Really?”
Contestant #3: “Yes, of course!”

UH-OH! Hayahay si jay…

================

Host: “Contestant No. 4, do you live near from here”
Contestant #4: “Yes, of course!”
Host: “On your way from home, did you walk or did you ride?”
Contestant #4: “Of course, did you walk.”
Host: “Really?”
Contestant #4: “Yes, of course!”

AGUUUUY! Duol ra gud, mag buot diay tag nag did you walk siya…

**************

Mangatawa una ta…

Naay nagpabunyag:

Pari: unsay pangalan?
Inahan: San Juan.
Pari: Juan lang, kuha-ig San kay para na sa Santo.

Sunod….

Pari: unsay pangalan?
Inahan: San Pedro.
Pari: Pedro lang, kuha-ig San kay para na sa Santo.

Sunod, nakabantay na sa nahitabo SA nag-una…

Pari: unsay pangalan?
Inahan: Tiago.
Pari: Santiago lang, butangig San kay lain paminawon, masuko ang Santo ana.

************

ON TIKAL, HAMBOG, BOT-BOT AND YABANG

Most of the time, when speaking of boastfulness and excessive exaggeration, we often make stereotypes and point this prejudices to one single ethnic or provincial origin, Hilonggos.

In fairness and with due difference to this group of people, most of my Hilonggo friends are kind, industrious, thoughtful and humble. However, like any other ethnicity (for lack of other related words), there are boastful (tikalon) Hilonngos. Tikal for them is embedded in personalities used to make excesses.

However, while pointing fingers to Hilonggos for their tikals, we often forget that like the tikalons, Cebuanos/Bisaya are Hambogero, Bal-anons are Bot-boton, and Tagalogs are Mayabang.

It is just a matter of using contextual semantics but the truth is, we all shared the same character traits.

Let me share some examples:

TIKAL

“Ti sa amon gali, kung gahampang kami ug baseball, sang akon ginhatag ang pitcher, sang akon pa gyud ang catcher”

“Sa amon gid ya pro, kung ara bagyo, ang netbag kapamurot ba”

HAMBOG

“Ang mais sa Cebu, usa ka buwan pa gikan sa pagpugas, anagon na”

“mas kuyaw tong bagyo sa amo, nanghuy-ab ang kabaw, nawalis tibuok baba”

BOT-BOT

“Baw kay milabay ko nganha atong miaging buwan, wa pa na nang Alturas”

“mas kujaw tong bagjo sa amo, mabawg ang siga’s plaslayt”

YABANG

“Wala yan sa lolo ng lolo ko, siya lang naman ang tagapayo ni Rizal”

“Wala yan sa bagyo sa amin, linilipad yong basketball court papuntang dagat”

Just sharing a little for a big laugh.

Share pud inyong tikal, hambog, but-bot ug yabang diha…

*************

I’ve learned this song when I was in grade 3, courtesy of my best friend PaitLimar Daguio

Basit alawala
Wa imulig dyay sanga,
E mayte todo
Ak nag dyay baga,
Remorjay init
Amin nag maga,
Basit alawala
Wa imulig dyay sanga.

Sure ko daghan nig mali, please let me know.

Sing in the tune of Ang Gamayng Lawa-lawa…

**************

Let’s share this Hilonngo story and judge for ourselves whether or not Hilonggos are tikalon as negatively perceived by most of us.

In his death, a father is surrounded by his children and made a last minute testate:

Papa said “Ti mga anak, indi gali ninyo ibaligya ang duta sa gilid sang dalan halin sa Cagayan pakadto sa Davao”.

Sa kakurat, mi re-ak ang isa niya ka anak “Tay, waay man ta duta dira!”

Papa humbly replied: “Amo gani, indi ninyo ibaligya Kay indi aton.”

Kinsa karoy tikalon?

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